District 9

District 9

“No Humans Allowed”

Alien movies aren’t usually my favorite, but I love free screenings and I’ll go see anything for free. To be honest, I’d probably go see anything even if I’m paying. I knew very little about this particular movie I’d scored free passes for this past Thursday, but I’ll admit, I was intrigued; as was my date for the evening…my husband.

We left the house early, thinking it’d give us time to talk...sounded like a great idea, until I found out the A/C in my husband’s truck wasn’t working. 85 degrees meant we’d have to drive with the windows down; to make sure we heard each other, there was very little talking and a whole lotta yelling. He shouted about his day, I screamed back about mine. Obviously, I’ll take conversation any way I can get it.

Fortunately, there was nothing wrong with the theater’s A/C, so we were able to speak to each other in a normal tone while we stood in line. I never know what to expect with these free screenings. I’ve gotten to one less than 30 minutes prior and have gotten in just fine. I’ve been in line an hour early for others and wasn’t able to see the movie because the theater was full. The line for District 9 had already started. I got my phone out to text a friend who was supposed to join us to let her know she’d better hurry. Busted!! One of the suits standing in front of the entry way announced loudly, “There will be NO cell phones allowed in the theater. If you have a cell phone, please take it to your car or it will be confiscated.”

My husband looked at me. “You’re kidding?”

I shrugged. “They always say that. They don’t want anyone recording the movie.”

My husband laughed. “My piece of crap phone doesn’t even have video and I can prove it.” Off he went to speak to the suits. Back in two minutes, he asked for my phone. “I’m taking them out to the car. Guy’s a jerk.” I felt a little panicky handing over my cell phone. But…what if….an emergency…??? My husband was already on the phone calling our oldest son to make sure he’d be available to the kids at home. Just in case.

The line started moving in to the theater before he got back. My purse was searched—if you call opening it so the suit can glance inside being searched—I wished I’d just stuck my phone at the bottom of m purse as I was being scanned with a metal detecting wand. They really do take these screenings seriously. I can’t imagine what someone did to encourage such policies. Who would rather watch a movie recorded on someone’s cell phone rather than go to the theater to see it?

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been close enough to plenty of teenagers who sat there texting throughout a movie while their cell phone screen shined a very bright light in my face. I heard a cell phone ring Ozzy Osbourne’s Crazy Train once during a death scene and I’ve heard people say hello and explain—three times, getting louder and louder each time—that they couldn’t talk because they were at the movies. It’s very annoying. But, when you’re a parent and your children are with a sitter—or, in our case, one child with special needs at home being supervised by an older sibling—that cell phone becomes a bit of a security blanket; one we don’t want to leave home without.

My husband finally made it into the theater, carrying our cokes and popcorn. We settled into our seats and made small talk with our theater neighbors…mostly about cell phones being confiscated. “I feel naked without my cell phone,” said one man. “I’d rather be naked than without my cell phone,” said another. We laughed…and hoped an emergency wouldn’t arise at home.

The movie starts. I immediately get a Cloverfield/Blair Witch Project vibe and I wasn’t sure I liked it. That shaky camera action tends to give me motion sickness. If I’d known I would’ve taken some Dramamine.

The story tells of an alien ship that is hovering over Johannesburg, South Africa for twenty years. The inhabitants of the ship have been living under the mothership for just as long in the slum-like shacks referred to as District 9. Wikus Van De Merwe has just been promoted and assigned the unpleasant task of serving eviction notices to the aliens as they are being moved to a different area where they will be living in tents…suggesting something of a concentration camp atmosphere. Wikus seems to be a lovely, if somewhat simple man, however, he isn’t the most compassionate of people as he goes door-to-door (followed by a camera man) serving the notices.

Twenty minutes into the movie, I wanted to leave. I started to feel like there was some sort of political agenda being served. I felt like the filmmakers were trying to compare these otherworldly aliens with the illegal immigrants who flee from their own countries to make their homes in another where they aren’t welcome. Personal opinion of such discrimination aside, how can you compare a human being to the walking cockroach/lobster-looking alien species? I felt manipulated. I’d had my fill of popcorn by then, I could take my diet coke with me. I was ready to go. But, I decided to wait it out. See what happens.

What happens, is poor Wikus oversteps some personal boundaries, puts his mitts where he shouldn’t and gets sprayed with some a foreign substance belonging to the aliens. His main concern is that this embarrassing little situation has been caught on tape and he will be humiliated if it’s shown. Little does he know…

Wikus was on top of the world with his recent promotion, but it’s just gone downhill from there. He’s embarrassed himself, he’s hurt his arm and he’s getting the flu. Probably not a good day for a surprise party to celebrate that promotion. Too bad!

Wikus’ biggest surprise comes when his wife takes him to the hospital and his wounded arm is unwrapped. It seems that the fluid Wikus was exposed to is slowly changing his DNA. Changing Wikus. He is half human, half alien. Wikus is horrified, but government officials are ecstatic. For twenty years they’ve been trying to figure out how to use the aliens’ awesome weaponry. Weapons that don’t work for anyone but the aliens…and now, Wikus Van De Merwe. Wikus is suddenly the most valuable man on earth. With little regard for this man’s life, they start planning how they can harvest his DNA in order to use the alien weapons for their own desires. Wikus is no more than a donor to them. They inform his family that he is dying.

Wikus escapes from those who mean him harm, but has nowhere to turn. After some exploitative National Enquirer-ish stories—with pictures—are shared, even his wife turns against him. There’s only one place to go. District 9.

Wikus’ presence is not well-received. The man who has unsympathetically tried to evict each and every one of the aliens is now asking for their help? It’s only human nature that they would be less than willing. But, they aren’t exactly human, are they?

The rest of the movie is somewhat formulaic, but very visually entertaining. The special effects team proved their abilities with some pretty gruesome fight scenes. And, I had to appreciate the lack of long, drawn out death scenes…BOOM you’re dead was about as dramatic as it got.

There were no recognizable actors in this movie. And, while that’s sometimes a recipe for disaster, in this case it really wasn’t. The actors did a great job and seemed very believable in their roles. As it came to an end, I wasn’t sure what to think. While I’m hesitant to admit the similarities of the aliens to situations that have affected humans (think Holocaust and Apartheid), I was forced to admit, it made me consider them…and the illegal immigrants that reside in my own country today.

The movie was just okay for me. Not great, but not bad, either. Interesting, to say the least.

My husband and shared our thoughts on the way to the car, but all conversation stopped as we reached for our cell phones and nervously checked for missed calls. “Three missed calls from home,” my husband worriedly announced.

My momagination kicked in. You know, it’s what happens to a mom when her teenage son is late getting home and she imagines him laying in a ditch somewhere, or when a mom sees three missed calls from home and thinks someone must’ve gotten hurt and they called us before the ambulance. What? Don’t tell me I’m the only one!

Anway, upon further investigation, there was also three text messages from our teen daughter asking if she could spend the night with her best friend…evidently that was the emergency. A phone call proved the latter correct and we headed home, windows down, shouting all the way.

Next time I’m driving.

Bottom Line: Alien, Cloverfield and The Fly had a baby. They named it District 9 and it suffered much discrimination.

G.I. Joe

G.I. Joe

“Would you look at that? Real American heroes…”

It’s Back-to-School week and with yesterday being my last full day of summer vacay (I work for a school system), I decided to take my 12 yr. old son to see the movie we’d been trying to find time to see all weekend. G.I. Joe—surprising in so many ways.

First of all, who knew G.I. Joe isn’t just one man, but a highly trained special mission force comprised of many men? I didn’t! I thought Joe was a G.I. (whatever that is) and Channing Tatum was playing the part. Imagine my surprise when Channing was addressed as Duke and several men were called “Joes”. The confusion almost distracted me from the first ten minutes of the movie.

In my defense, I have only one frame of reference where G.I. Joe is concerned; the camouflage covered doll my brother owned in 1970something. At the time, I didn’t have a Ken doll, so I often bribed my brother to let me use Joe to play the part of Barbie’s husband. On a good day, my brother would give Joe a voice and even bend his body to fit into the Barbie loveseat to watch her plastic t.v. He would regale Barbie with tales of his workday (in our world, War was a 9 to 5 job) and listen to her tales of fame and fortune. He never complained about having to drive a Tonka Truck (my brother didn’t have any G.I. Joe inspired transportation) while Barbie got a pink Corvette and while Barbie changed her clothes every 15 minutes, Joe was happy in his camo coveralls and army boots. Barbie never even had to launder them. I loved G.I. Joe.

So, surprise…I find out that G.I. Joe isn’t a guy and Channing Tatum wasn’t playing his part. Tatum was a Joe wannabe who takes his place among them, fighting his way to and through the bad guys in search of stolen weapons. I was not surprised he did a great job as an action hero…just look at him. And I did…just look at him.

On the bad guys’ side is Ana, Duke’s former girlfriend who blames him (as much as he blames himself) for the death of her brother, which seems to be the reason she dyed her hair from blonde to black and went from good to bad. I thought Sienna Miller did a great job playing the villain, so different from anything I’d ever seen her in. A character named Storm Shadow (played Byung-hun Lee) is the other half of this evil duo. Storm Shadow has a personal history with one of the Joe wannabes. He and Snake Eyes spent time together as children; their rivalry is justifiable…but sad.

I loved the female characters in this movie. So often the women in an action flick are forced to portray the damsel in distress. Surprisingly, Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols (Scarlet) were anything but. Both played strong women who didn’t need a man to save them.

I never read the comic book on which the movie was based, so I can’t say how true to character it was, but I enjoyed the characters, nonetheless. Another favorite was Ripcord, played by Marlon Wayans. I was so surprised to see this comedian show up on the screen to play the part of a crime-fighting hero. Gotta love the strong, funny and sensitive type.

Rounding out the cast were small but important parts for Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Dennis Quaid. Another surprise in the storyline stems from one of these two characters…didn’t see that comin’!

No, this isn’t a movie that will win any critical acclaim and unfortunately because comic book fans will all have an opinion on how the movie is done, it may not do well in the public arena, either. But, as far as I—and my 12 year old son—were concerned, it was a great movie. My son is still talking about it today, claiming it as one of his favorites. Of course, in a large family, any movie you’ve seen that your siblings haven’t is that much better. However, I do think catered to boys his age…and their mothers. Lots and lots of action, very little gore and bad language. I really did enjoy it. For some reason, that surprised me.

Bottom Line: G.I. Joe was a G.I. surprise!

A Perfect Getaway

A Perfect Getaway

“Someone on this trail isn’t who they say they are.”

I had a rough day. Thanks to the flood inducing rains from the day before, the earth was just soft enough to allow my dog to wiggle under the fence in our back yard and have free reign of the unappreciative neighborhood...at least until someone called to let me know my dog was missing and I had to go pick him up. After picking him up for the second time, I put an old—and heavy—tire in front of his escape route and for extra assurance I tethered his leash to the back porch the next time I let him out. Unfortunately, within 15 minutes of being let out, the dang dog tore the leash into three pieces. I don’t even know how he did it. It looked like he used scissors.

My eleven year old son, afflicted with a rare syndrome called Ohdo Blepharophimosis, has good days and bad days. Fortunately, there are far more good days than there are bad, but today wasn’t one of the former. He was being completely defiant; making messes, helping with the laundry, antagonizing the dog (no wonder he was trying to escape) and making more noise than a non-verbal child should be able to make. I needed Calgon…or chocolate…or a therapist.

Then, I get a phone call I’d been expecting. A heads up about the class I’d be assigned to when school reconvenes next week. After a year of bragging about how lucky I am to get paid (no matter how little) to assist in an early intervention kindergarten classroom, I suppose I knew the luck would run out. I’m kind of cynical that way. But, I was also right. My new assignment would be in a self-contained kindergarten class, assisting the teacher with 12 kids with special needs. 12 kids. Twelve. A dozen. All at one time. All day. Every day. I’m scared.

Now I needed more than a bubble bath, some chocolate or someone with the authority to write prescriptions could offer. I needed a vacation. A getaway.

Unfortunately, that getaway would only come in the form of a movie. A free sneak preview offered this evening at one of my favorite theaters on the north side. I went with one of my teen daughters, a same-age (give or take a year) friend of mine, and her teenage boy toy. Okay, the boy toy was really her own teen daughter’s boyfriend who only agreed to go because his girlfriend had another social obligation, but it makes the story more exciting when I exaggerate a little.

The movie, aptly named A Perfect Getaway, stars Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich as Cliff and Cydney; newlyweds honeymooning on a remote island in Hawaii. When they learn that another honeymooning couple has been murdered, everyone around them is suspect. The hitchhiking couple (Chris Hemsworth and Marley Shelton) they stop to help but end up leaving behind, as well as the outdoorsy couple they meet during their hike.

Timothy Olyphant and Kiele Sanchez play Nick and Gina, a total bada** couple that are comfortable living off the land. While Steve Zahn is always enjoyable and Milla Jovovich did a decent job, it was Olyphant and this unknown (to me) actress that made the movie. He with his wild survival stories and sick sense of humor, her with her southern accent, knife know-how and lack of fear.

I don’t know what is up with movies not meeting my expectations lately, but it worked in this movie’s favor. I was expecting a horror/ thriller/whodunit type movie. It was that, but it also made me laugh almost as much as some recent comedies I’ve seen. While the suspense/mystery aspect of the movie was somewhat formulaic and predictable…it was oh, so entertaining. Refreshing!

Of course, after a day like today, it really was a perfect getaway. I was so captivated by and focused on the movie that I forgot all about my troubles…and it reminded me that no matter how bad my day is, it could always be so much worse; even in Hawaii. Though there was a little something I didn’t quite understand and took me two hours to process, I liked A Perfect Getaway. Which means the critics probably won’t.

Bottom Line: A Perfect Getaway is a movie that takes you away. Perfectly entertaining.

Funny People

Funny People

“You’re not funny. You’re funny looking, but you’re not funny.”

Yeeeeahhhh, the quote I chose kinda sums up the entire movie for me.

I don’t know. I’m thinkin’ if a movie has the word funny in the title…it probably should be. And, while there were most definitely some funny parts—especially if you like jokes about a certain male appendage—it really was less a comedy than it was a drama about comedians. A dramedy.

With only one week left before the start of school (and work for me), I was really trying to pack as much fun stuff as I could into it, so when my friend, Deniece, called to ask if I wanted to go to a movie, I was immediately on board. Unfortunately, our plans are never immediate. It took about 20 minutes to figure out what day would work for both of us. The conversation going something like this:

Me: Well, I’m getting my hair done Monday. I have to take Jonni to the orthodontist on Thursday and Jeremy to the orthodontist on Friday.

Deniece: Well, I can’t do Monday or Wednesday.

Me: So…Tuesday.

Deniece: Tuesday.

I’m grateful she thinks I’m as much worth the effort it takes to find time to hang out with me as I think she is. It would take 3 more phone calls, two e-mails and a face-to-face for us to figure out what movie we’d be seeing…with 2 more confirmation e-mails and/or phone calls to seal the deal. We finally—with some reservation—decided on Funny People.

Neither of us were sure what to expect. With a cast full of funny people (Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman, Leslie Mann), we thought it would be really funny…or really stupid. Neither of us was expecting what it was.

Adam Sandler is George Simmons; a famous comedian diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. George befriends Seth Rogen’s character, Ira Wright; a struggling amateur comedian. They become friends when George hires offers him a job as his writer and assistant. When he excitedly agrees to take the job, he has no idea how subjective the job description will become.

George, realizing his mortality, faces his demons, confronts his regrets and reconsiders the choices he has made. Laura (Mann) is at the top of the list regarding all three. They meet in effort to make amends and resolve their relationship and it becomes the train wreck any rational person would expect it to be. I knew how it would end before it even began…and it wasn’t funny. Someone told me that the funniest comedians in public are usually the most depressed people in private. I don’t know how true that is, but this movie might support that theory. It was just sad. Realistic. But, sad.

I’ve always been an Adam Sandler fan. Such a fan, that even when I don’t like him in a movie, I always want to see the next one. I just hope his next role is a funny one. I just don’t care for a serious Adam Sandler, no matter how well he plays the part. There’s just something unnatural or unbelievable about it.

While I’m stating my preferences…Seth Rogen, please eat a sandwich. You cannot be my chunky crush without the chunk. I fear I’m going to have to replace you with someone less fit but equally as funny if you don’t get off the Atkins’ or whatever it is you’re doing to become half the man you used to be. However, please share your diet tips as I’m not as crazy about my own chunk.

I think if I’d known to expect a drama…and I’d wanted to see a drama…I would’ve appreciated and enjoyed the movie more than I did. Unfortunately, I was in the mood to laugh. I was in the mood for a comedy. And, there’s just nothing funny about cancer, lonely people, failure and infidelity. I know.

So, as humorous as some of the scenes were, if you’re looking for a laugh out loud, hysterical movie, this is not one I’d recommend. If you’re looking for a behind the scenes drama about funny people, this is one I would recommend. There’s a lot to be said for expectations being met.

Bottom line: Funny People is not so funny, people.

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

“Sid, you're gonna have a family too someday. You're gonna meet a nice girl, with... with low standards, no real options, or sense of smell...”

Friday night was date night. Sort of.

Our 11 yr. old son’s favorite movie right now is Ice Age (the original as well as the sequel). He watches one of the two DVDs almost daily. Bean has special needs; he’s completely non-verbal. But, there’s no mistaking his excitement as he signs “elephant” over and over as Manny, the Wooly Mammoth, appears onscreen. We were so excited when the third installment came out a few weeks ago and knew Bean would be, too. We’d planned to take him to see it right away. But, between my husband being out of town for work and both of them being out of town for our 15 yr. old’s National Softball tournament, Friday was the first opportunity we had to go see it. So, our date night for two became a date night for three and off we went.

We are a popcorn and coke kinda family, but because braces are now a part of Bean’s anatomy, popcorn is a no-no for him. We’ve had to substitute a pretzel for his normal theater snack and he is thrilled. He sat quietly, eating his pretzel and drinking his slushie (oops, we forgot his water) while he watched the movie. While he watched the movie, we watched him, waiting for the reaction he’d offer when he saw Manny.

Manny appeared onscreen and Bean….just sat quietly…eating his pretzel, drinking his slushie. What?? Well. Hm. That was a bit anti-climactic.

So, we turned toward the screen, watched the movie and listened to the toddler behind us offer her commentary. Too cute. Wait! Oh, spoke too soon...evidently Bean’s pretzel was priority, but as soon as he finished eating it, he reacted appropriately. Signing “elephant” excitedly over and over. That’s the reaction we were expecting. Worth every penny!

Thanks to the familiar and reliable characters we enjoyed the movie almost as much as Bean. Parenthood was the theme of this one, with Manny and Ellie expecting their first child and Sid finding three lost dinosaur eggs that hatch and claim him as their mother. While the voices of Ray Romano and Queen Latifah were entertaining as the uptight first time father and nurturing first time Wooly Mammoth parents, it was John Leguizamo’s voice as Sid the Sloth and his attempts to be mommy to three active meat eaters that really made us laugh.

Unfortunately for Sid, the eggs he found weren’t abandoned and the real mother Tyrannosaurus Rex comes looking for her babies. She finds them and takes them home with her. Much to his friends’ dismay, she takes Sid, too. So, fearing for his safety, off they go; the Wooly Mammoths, the two opossums, as well as Denis Leary’s Diego…looking for Sid.

They’re taken to a world so large and unfamiliar that the super-sized Wooly Mammoth exclaims, “I feel so puny.” They realize they’re going to need some help if they want to find Sid…and survive.

So, in enters a new Ice Age character. Buck. Short for Buckminster. Long for Buh. Oh, my goodness. Buck gives Sid a run for his money in the entertainment arena. I wish I’d had my character cheat sheet handy. I’m sure I missed some good lines while I was distracted trying to figure out who gave Buck his voice. Although, it wouldn’t have helped. Simon Pegg. Never heard of him. But, he was awesome.

What was not awesome were the darn squirrels. I’ll admit watching the squirrel try to get the elusive acorn was pretty cute in the first installment of Ice Age. Even in the second, it served as a bit of a gimmick. But, this time, it was just way too much squirrel. I wished the squirrel would just let it go, for goodness sake. And, as if one squirrel chasing an acorn wasn’t enough, they decided to add another squirrel to the mix. A female. Now we have two obsessive squirrels chasing after one slippery acorn…and a love connection. Oh, kill me now…I’ve seen too much. I was forced to witness the courtship of two squirrels as well as their foreplay. Fortunately, the movie didn’t go too Discovery Channel on us, but I’m pretty sure the act was alluded to. TMI, Ice Age…way too much information. In the future…less squirrel, more of anything else!

Other than that, the movie was a decent one. The talking characters were wonderful; reminding us that sometimes the friends we choose are as much our family as is our family and we should always follow our hearts.

Bottom Line: A little too squirrely, but otherwise a cute and entertaining movie.

Julie & Julia

Julie & Julia

“I was drowning and she pulled me out of the ocean.”

The above quote from the movie wasn’t my favorite. Unfortunately, my first choice would’ve forced me to put a content warning on my page and…well…let’s keep this blog PG, shall we? However, if you go see the movie, keep your ears open when Julia’s makin’ the manicotti.

I read Julie Powell’s book three or four years ago and loved it. At the time, Julie was an almost 30 year old bored secretary who admittedly had never finished anything in her life and was looking for a sense of purpose. On a whim, she decides to cook through Julia Child’s entire Mastering the Art of French Cooking book…within a year. Not only does she challenge herself to cook all 524 recipes, she pledges to write about the experience in her blog Every. Single. Day. We’re not talkin’ Rachel Ray’s 30 Minute Meals here; we’re talkin’ 2 hour stews, live lobsters and de-boned ducks. Every. Single. Day. Impressive, no?

The attention gained from her blog turned into a book deal and the book deal turned into a movie…starring Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. Seriously, who does that happen to? Oh, Julie Powell, you are one lucky de-boned duck, for sure!

So, I read the book about Julie’s experience, loving every minute of it. I could relate to her feelings of inadequacy, lack of fulfillment and search for a sense of purpose. And while, you’ll never catch me cooking a live lobster—Lobster Killer—I, too, love to cook….and write. I didn’t want the book to end, so I was thrilled when I found out there would be a movie based on it.

Good fortune (and my good friend, Kristie…thank-you, Kristie!!) allowed me to see the movie (which opens August 7^th) this past Thursday. It didn’t disappoint. Julie’s experience was as charming on the big screen as it was in book form and I think there was even more Julia in the movie. Bonus!

Two women. Two lives. Two stories. One movie. Though, I shed a tear or two (don’t I always?), I spent the majority of the 2 hour movie smiling. Passion. I love a story about passion. Not of the Harlequin Romance variety, but of living a life with passion…wherever that passion may lie. Julia’s passion was food. Julie’s passion was Julia. One was as refreshing as the other…living parallel lives, if miles and decades apart.

While Meryl Streep’s imitation of Julia Child was slightly over the top, I think she truly channeled Child’s spirit. Stanley Tucci was adorable as her devoted husband, proving you don’t have to look the part to be a heartthrob. If I’ve seen a picture of Julie Powell, I don’t remember it, but Amy Adams portrayed her exactly as I imagine her to be, flaws and all. Chris Messina played Julie’s husband, Eric; table manners aside, he was a gem as well. Then, there’s Jane Lynch. Oh my goodness, I love me some Jane Lynch. That woman has some sort of gift. I don’t care what movie it is or what role she’s playing in it…if she walks on-screen, she’s stealing the scene. In this movie she plays Julia Child’s sister, Dorothy…impeccably…in my humble opinion. Nevermind that I’ve never seen, heard or even read about Dorothy McWilliams. I heart Jane Lynch!

Good news so far, huh? Now for the bad…

I rarely read the critics’ reviews of a movie before I see it, I don’t want anyone else’s opinion to interfere with my own. For the same reason, I don’t usually read anyone else’s opinion of a movie before I write about it. But, in this case, I couldn’t wait to see if the masses were loving Julie & Julia as much as I did. So, I browsed my online community of movie lovers to see what they were saying and was just a little bummed that some people aren’t showin’ the love. I know that opinions are just that and an opinion is rarely uncontested. But, I loved this movie and I was hoping everyone else would love it, too. Many did, many didn’t. Like it or not, I can only guess that each of our personal experiences will encourage us either way.

With that said, I found Julie & Julia charming, exciting and enlightening. Bottom line: Go see it…but, don’t go hungry!!

Orphan

Orphan

“I have a surprise for you, Mommy.”

I remember first seeing this trailer before another movie and thinking, “Um, no way am I gonna see that!” I have three adopted children and this movie just seemed to scream of political incorrectness. However, after seeing that same trailer at the same time, one of my 17 yr. old daughters (who just happens to be adopted) said, “Oooh, I wanna see that!” I looked at her like she was crazy…but, I do that a lot.

Fast forward a few months and we start seeing the movie advertised on tv. My horror film loving girl couldn’t wait for it to come out, but I still had reservations. As did many other adoptive parents. Evidently, the movie’s subject matter had caused quite a stir within the adoption community. People were writing letters, protesting and planning to boycott any theater where the movie was being shown. Adoptive parents were claiming the movie put adoption in a negative light and could potentially discourage people from adopting. I didn’t necessarily disagree.

But, my adopted daughter (labeled adopted only because it’s relevant to the movie) thought it was silly. “It’s just a movie,” she said.

I didn’t necessarily disagree. Like my daughter, I used to love horror flicks when I was younger. Okay, I’ll admit it…I still do. And I don’t think a single one of them has ever encouraged my thinking process (beyond more than a day or two) or discouraged me from doing something just because that something turned out badly on screen. I saw Jaws. I still swam in the ocean. I saw Friday the 13^th. I still went camping. I saw The Bad Seed. I still had children. I saw Cujo. I still…okay…I never got a St. Bernard, but that has more to do with their excessive drooling than Stephen King’s portrayal of the rabid beast.

It’s just a movie.

So, we went to see it. I found it hard to separate myself from thinking about the adoption issues and just let myself enjoy the movie, but even so I don’t think the movie made adopting a child look unfavorable. It did, however, make jumping into the adoption process quickly without getting to know a child and his/her background look unfavorable. But, is that a bad thing?

Adopting an older child is difficult. An older child will have issues. If this movie makes a prospective parent stop, research and educate themselves before they take that plunge, then I’d say that’s a positive thing. If, after their research they decide not to adopt…is that a bad thing? Perhaps, there would be fewer disrupted adoptions if adoptive parents really knew what they were getting into when adopting an older child. And, as my daughter said, ."Well, if that movie's gonna make someone not want to adopt, then they probably wouldn't be very good [adoptive] parents, anyway."

So true. But, honestly, the movie wasn’t good enough to offer the credibility necessary to turn a person who’s seriously considering adoption against the idea. It’s just too far-fetched, outrageous and not that well-acted. It’s The Hand that Rocks the Cradle meets The Good Son. I jumped a few times, but I didn’t walk out of the theater feeling at all frightened by what I’d seen.

Vera Farmiga and Peter Scarsgaard play the parents of two children (Jimmy Bennett and Aryana Engineer) who decide to adopt after their third child is stillborn. I never got the feeling that Kate (Farmiga) wanted to adopt. She began the adoption process to replace the child she’d lost…and, to me, that’s far scarier than adopting a child with issues.

It’s love at first sight when Kate and husband, John (John and Kate?! Are you kidding me?) meet Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman, who does an amazing job playing a mini-villain) at the orphanage open house. Seriously? They’re shopping for a new child? Whoever wrote this screenplay has obviously never gone through the adoption process. But, I digress…

John and Kate take Esther home and try to make this different little girl a part of their family. But, it doesn’t take long for them to realize the way she dresses isn’t the only thing that sets this little girl apart from most children her age. Esther’s angry, manipulative and drops the F-bomb without inhibition.

Kate starts researching the issues that could be plaguing little Esther. Personality disorders…attachment disorders….um, yeah, you’re adopting a 9 year old child…probably should’ve done that research already. Buuuuuut, it’s just a movie and I guess it couldn’t have flowed well without inexperienced and ignorant parents to help it along. So, kudos to them for being idiots.

Esther is the proverbial bad seed. She has issues…and a secret that isn’t revealed until the end of the movie. And, until then, John and Kate and their two other children are in danger, because Esther will stop at nothing to get what she wants. But, what exactly is it that Esther wants?

I won’t say more. You’ll have to see for yourself…or ask me privately for spoilers. But, let’s just say…this movie isn’t worthy of the adoption community’s hostility. It’s just a movie….and not a great one at that.

Bottom line: Neglect this Orphan…or at least wait ‘til it comes out on DVD.